fuck your aforementioned shoe
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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