worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
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woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
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I am naked and annoyed.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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