Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
