Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize