Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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