im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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