You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need to wash the frat house off of me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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