so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
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The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
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I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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