True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
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Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need water and some morals
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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