you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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