Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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