Well douche your snatch and let's go!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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