went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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