so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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