No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
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Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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