I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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