Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
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I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize