All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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