I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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