The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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