i may or may not be watching the land before time
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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