some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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