Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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