i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
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No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
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Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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