eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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