My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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