I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize