Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
