Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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