The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize