I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
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I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize