mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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