Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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