My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize