Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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