I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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