i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize