A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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