the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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