cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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