I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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