Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize