Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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