The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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