I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize