my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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