Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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