smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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