We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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