We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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