One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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